House of Valor

Expectations, and Earning Leather within our House… by Master Varii

The “Leather Community” is extremely diverse. While it was birthed from gay men in the military after WWII, and further molded by the Biker culture, it has grown and evolved to include all gender identifications, roles, and kinks. Things often thought of as “Old Guard Traditions” are often myths, and as current culture is sure to point out, there is no “one true way” (nor single definition) on anything. Leather is most correctly understood historically through a bizarre combination of personal uniqueness, and community loyalty. Many of the old school “protocols” that existed were protective ones designed keep gay men safe at a time in history when being openly gay could have cost them their lives. They thought of themselves as sexual outlaws. They defied the “norms” of society, and the cost of “Being Leather” was high. Even so, most held certain “principles” sacred. Things like: Honor, Integrity, Authenticity, Loyalty, and Service were extremely important for their safety and survival. Since their roots were often deeply entrenched in the military, these were familiar tenants of survival and of a strongly forged “brotherhood”. Within a “club”, “Family”, or “House” there was rank, and that rank was usually earned in one way or another. With power came responsibility, and it was very common for someone new to become a mentee of someone more experienced. Newbies were expected to adhere to the rules that applied to their organization. Much like any organization these “rules”, or inside traditions, were not universal but unique, and served an important purpose of providing structure and protection. Knowledge was passed down, but individuals were still encouraged to grow in unique, and personally authentic, ways.

The rules and traditions that form our House will not be based on some universal standard, it is simply the standard for this House. The criteria for earning leather will be equally unique, and I hope highly personalized. You will often see a nod to the principles found in the early days of Leather. I believe Honor, Integrity, Authenticity, Loyalty, and Service are fundamentals that are critical in life, and even more so within Power Exchange relationships and BDSM activities. Being “Leather” to me is less about what you wear (even though the smell of leather is highly erotic, and I love it), and more about who you are on the inside. For those who feel “Leather” is nothing more than a sexy outfit, and BDSM is just a game to spice things up, that’s great, if it works for them. There is nothing wrong with that; however, I am a different species. This is who I am, not just what I do, or what I wear. This is anything but a game to me, it is the core of who I am, and the foundation of my belief system. I take it seriously and am passionate about those beliefs. For those that are part of my House, I believe we fundamentally share those values.

If I accept your petition to be part of my House, know that I believe in your potential, and see you as a Leader! I value your opinions, regardless of which side of the slash you may identify. If you are part of my House, I see your strength. For some of you, being part of this House is one small part of your journey. For some of you this House will represent Home and Family in a more permanent way. I’m fine with either scenario. It is my pleasure to walk this path with you for as long as it is beneficial to you and to this House. If and when our paths diverge, I hope what you have gained, and the relationships you have formed, will enrich your life.

As part of House of Valor I do have expectations. They are simple ones, though not always easy:

● Hold yourself to a higher standard. We are Leaders in our community. Expect excellence from yourself and know that whatever you do reflects not only on you but on this House and the other members of it. ● When you make mistakes, and you will (being human sucks), own it and work to fix it. ● Personal Growth is important. Invest in yourself. ALL living things (this includes people and relationships) are either growing or dying, stagnant isn’t a healthy option. Growth requires work, courage, and intent. It also requires follow through. ● Be respectful of others. We may have different roles, we may come from different backgrounds, we may have different kinks, and we may have different opinions. Diversity is good, embrace it! Encourage each other. Show gratitude. In the words of an elder: Don’t be an ass! ● Work out differences if any exist before they become major within the House, don’t gunnysack resentments, jump to conclusions, or engage in drama! I hate drama and manipulative behaviors. I have a close to zero tolerance for it. ● Confidentiality and Loyalty are expected. There needs to be openness and trust within our House. Everyone needs a place they can be “real” without fear of gossip. We may disagree at times, we may share personal data, and we will certainly see each other’s challenges as well as triumphs. What is shared within our House, or between its members is not to be shared with others without consent. I consider this sacred! ● Balance is a good thing. Anything, and anyone who is grossly out of balance isn’t healthy. As a Leader, balance is extremely hard to maintain. We are a House filled with Leaders. Let’s hold each other accountable in this area. It is very easy to burnout, neglect your health, neglect your own needs or those of your core relationships. ● Your intimate relationships come first, then the House, the Family, and the Community at large. Leaders tend to reverse this order, and when they do, they risk losing what is most important. ● Support each other in any way possible. Get to know each other. Encourage, and empower each other! ● Keep me, and the House informed. You all have goals, most of you have shared those with me. If you haven’t, please do so, even if someone else is your mentor. Be accountable, and consistently work toward your goals. If your goals shift, let me and your mentor know. If you are teaching/training, I want to know where and when. Please let the whole House know so we can support you? Let us know what is happening in your life? We care! I care!! We can’t support each other if we don’t know what is going on! I know that can be hard sometimes…. It certainly is for me…. Do it anyway! ● Be involved. If there is a House event, or House supported project (like Peer Group or SELF), if members of our House are teaching somewhere, be involved and invested to the best of your ability. With regard to House development, your suggestions, and input are welcome. Your talents and service to the House are greatly valued and needed. Ultimately a House is not just a reflection of the Head of Household but also of every member in it. ● Go to Leather events when possible. LLC, and SELF are both high on my list. Master Ben, head of our larger Leather Family, was the the Chairman of the Board for LLC for many years, Lady Victoria and I are both in service in various roles with SELF, and I often teach at both. These are great events to get to know leaders within the Leather Community and for them to get to know you. There are many other great leather events as well.

Criteria for earning leather within our House:

There are both objective and subjective criteria for earning your leather. It isn’t always about completing the “check list”. Sometimes it is about attitude, personal experience, self-acceptance, or some other criteria that will influence the decision.

There is likely to be a personal requirement that is unique to you, based on your strengths and objectives. This will be especially true with any earned leather past your vest. There is also a time requirement with some things because I believe consistency is extremely important.

Below is a general outline for the core pieces. Boots, Vest, Belt, Cover are given in that order. Gloves can be presented at any point, but usually not before boots.

Boots (boots cover your feet and help you walk a path that isn’t always smooth) ● Understand the history of our Leather culture, and how it has evolved to become diverse. ● Why do you feel drawn to Leather? Where do you think you might fit in? Tell me. ● Demonstrate initiative and a desire to be an active participant in this House. ● Show growth in some new area or skill, and personally. ● Out of respect for me as Head of our House, and especially if you are my mentee, show me you can take and follow my instruction. If I give homework, do it. Check in. Consult with me on major things that effect your leather path. Keep me informed. ● Be consistent.

Vest (a vest embraces your body, so along those lines…) ● Embrace the Leather Community (attend a Leather event) ● Embrace Diversity! Strength comes from diversity (of ideas, cultures, ages, genders, ethnicity, sexuality, etc.) Our House is extremely diverse as a reflection of that core value. Draw from that wealth of experiences and different perspectives. ● Be invested in your Local Community, our House, and/or Family by attending and serving were possible. ● If a Dominant or Top, demonstrate a high degree of competence in at least one area of play! ● If a Dominant, teach a class, and begin to establish yourself in a leadership capacity. ● If a bottom or “s” type, demonstrate a high degree of competence in at least one area of service. ● If a submissive, either teach a class, or serve your community in another meaningful way. ● Honestly look at and explore your needs and wants in the lifestyle. Embrace yourself. Being authentic starts with knowing what is important to you and having the courage to build it. ● Embrace your personal identity whatever combination it may be: Top, Dom, bottom, submissive, slave, switch, sexual identity, gender identity, masochist, sadist, primal, etc.

Gloves (symbolic of getting your hands dirty and developing calluses) ● Generally, works hard for the good of others. ● Physically labors to support House events, projects, or causes we may elect to support. (D types are NOT exempt, nor can they simply have their s type always act in their stead, that’s called lazy) ● Offers to help, and support other members of the House (or larger NCM Family) when possible and needed. ● Goes above and beyond consistently and demonstrates a genuine caring for others.

Belt (a belt “holds something up” and can be used for correction) ● Be responsible and accountable. Uphold a standard of excellence in self and others ● Build a good reputation and have wide respect within the community, a strong leader. ● Good communication skills. Has the ability to communicate effectively in a way the other person needs to receive it. ● Have a reputation of empowering and encouraging others. ● Be someone others look to for guidance and direction. ● Be a mentor. Successfully outline a path to help someone else achieve their goals and walk it with them. ● Demonstrate Leadership in difficult situations. ● Can resolve conflict with fairness and firmness. ● Personal relationships reflect that you “walk the walk”. You practice what you teach.

Masters Cover/ Muir Cap (For D types) ● Demonstrates a high degree of self-mastery and personal discipline. Has their life in order vs in chaos. ● Exercises both power and responsibility well. ● Keeps their word and fulfills their commitments. Does what they say, when they say. ● Has earned respect and trust among other leaders in their local community and beyond. ● Has become an established, and well-known leader, in both the Leather and general kink communities. ● Regularly teaches, trains, and mentors. ● Demonstrates consistency. ● Known for their Honor, Integrity, and Service (regardless of age, is looked to as an elder) ● Extensive Competence in a variety of play skills. ● Committed to ongoing personal growth and holds themselves to a higher standard. ● Has committed significant time, energy, and talents to building their community. ● Demonstrates strong and steady leadership in their personal relationships.

Garrison’s Cap without zipper or leather ball cap (For “s” types) ● Demonstrates a high degree of personal discipline and organization. ● Knows who they are and are strong in their submission. ● Keeps their word and fulfills their commitments. Does what they say, when they say. ● Is consistent! ● Has earned the respect and trust of Dominants, and the admiration of other submissives. ● Is held up as an example, a gold standard, for other submissives to emulate. ● Is, or has been, a mentor to other submissives. (Often referred to as an alpha, or a slave.) ● Is known for their strong work ethic and service to their community. ● Finds joy in service. ● Is humble. ● Known for their Honor, Integrity, and Service. ● Devoted to their Dominant if they have one, to their House, and to their Community. ● Committed to ongoing personal growth. Constantly seeking to improve their skill sets and become more valuable to their Dominant and to the community as a whole.

Grand Master’s Cover (uncommon these days especially in the South) • Has been a covered Leather Master for a minimum of 10 years. • Has mastered a minimum of 15 skills which they have the ability to teach. • Teach and train others to a point of excellence. Has mentored and raised up at least 5 covered Masters • Well respected within their community, and the larger leather community, known for their Honor, and Integrity. • They are viewed as an elder, and other Masters go to them for wise counsel. • Constantly seeks to grow personally and empowers others to do the same. • Typically Head of a House, or is a very strong leader within a House. • Gives consistently of their time and talents to benefit others, and likely has received numerous awards in recognition of selfless service. They are never afraid to “get their hands dirty” and serve as needed. • Receives this Grand Master award as a sign of deep love and respect from their Leather Family with agreement of at least 5 covered Masters, and/or another Grand Master who knows them well enough to endorse them. • If the above is true, a symbol is picked out for them by their Leather Family which they feel represents them. That symbol, combined with two chains is placed on the Grand Master Cover before it is awarded. One chain represents the many skills the Grand Master has acquired and the knowledge they have passed down to others. The other chain symbolizes a personal commitment beyond skills; the Grand Master has willingly chained themselves selflessly to their family and to the leather community. • Note: While a Grand Master is, on occasion, introduced or referred to as a Grand Master, most of the time they are still referred to a “Master + Name”, but their status is recognized by their cover.